live together, die alone

I take big deep breaths, but it doesn’t help.

I take bigger breaths, but it still doesn’t help.

I take even bigger breaths, but I’m still feeling heavy.

I have good days and I have bad days.

I guess I’m having one of my bad days.

Everything seems blunt, yet everything seems like a miracle.

I can’t make my mind and it’s driving me crazy.

I can find things to be thankful for, but ask myself why I’m thankful for them.

I feel sluggish.

I feel numb.

Dead.

Alive.

Sober.

Dizzy..

Then, again, I do love my life.

I love my family, my friends, and my things.

Yet, everything and everyone seems so trivial.

So worthless and shitty.

I guess I really am having one of those bad days.

Very bad days.

I would like to take the moment to sit in the sun in the desert,

and erase all my thoughts for just a minute.

Not a trace left for me to remember.

No memories. No pain. No joy.

No trace.

And maybe, just maybe, when my thoughts come back I’ll realise how lucky I am.

How I’m in a good place in my life.